In a funk

I have been in a major funk today! I am just really depressed. My husband is working and in a few weeks I am going to be working with him. I am looking really forward to that, but today I didn't even want to come home. My Dad died this last september and all I can think about is that I wish I could have him back, even if just for a day. I know that isn't possible, but I still want it. Today, that is all I want. Well, anyway...that is how I feel today.

I wonder...

I think I will start using this more as a place to just blog. Right now I am totally pissed off at my husband. Don't get me wrong, I love him, most of the time. But lately he has been a total asshole! Last night he was acting really weird and he was looking at my teeth and proceeded to tell me that my teeth were 3 colors and looked "fucking stupid". Then today he acts like nothing happened and then tonight he supposedly calls my cell phone, which does NOT ring, and when he comes by he pretty much accuses me of lying when I tell him that I didn't have a missed call. Sometimes I really wonder why the hell I ever married him. Sometimes I wonder if anyone would miss me if I were to disappear. I can only think of a few, my cousin/sister, my mom and my son. I guess those 3 will have to be enough for now. Right now I am not very happy, about anything. I'm not sure why. I have felt totally rotten lately and am suspecting that I am having Gall bladder problems, but I'm not sure. Well, I guess that is enough ranting and raving for now.

Back on the Wagon

Well, I am back on the wagon again. It has been a bad couple of weeks. My will power has been very weak, so now it is time to start doing it again. I have lost a pound, well, as of last week I had anyway. But this time I have something to really look forward to...Other than being healthy. I am going to Cancun with my mom in a year. I am totally stoked!!! I can't wait! i plan on spending a lot of time in a bathing suit, so I need to get my ass in gear!

Today went really well, I was swamped at work, so I didn't even have time to eat lunch. I made chili for supper and used deer and turkey, so it was very lean...Very yummy! I am very full, but that is okay. One meal for the day. I know you usually aren't supposed to do that, but hopefully I can keep my calories down and drop the weight!

Not doing very well!

Well, I haven't updated in a long time, probably because I haven't been doing very good of a job sticking to anything. I have actually gained 2 pounds. Pathetic. Today was decent. By the time I left work, I had only ate 685 calories, for supper I made mac and cheese and peas. I ate my servings of food and for some strange reason I got up and got some more mac and cheese. I took a couple of bites and then took my plate back into the kitchen and put he mac and cheese back in the pan and got a few more peas instead. I felt bad. I had been doing so well and then I was about to give it up. I was mad at myself!

This last week hasn't been very good. I finally started my "monthly friend" on Saturday and have felt huge and bloated ever since. Hopefully that gets better soon! I am so tired all of the time too! But I am hoping that I can start finding time to go to the gym soon. Plus, I am looking forward to tomorrow, I am getting my hair cut and colored. I am going for a totally new look. I hope it turns out well!

Well, off to bed I go. have a great night(if there is actually anyone out there)

It's been a Week

Well, it's been a week and I weighed in last night...I know I Know...I should have weighed in in the morning, but I forgot. Anyway...The bad news is that I didn't loose any weight, but the good news is that I didn't gain any weight. I am still at 241. I am getting ready to start my period, so I am hoping that next week I have some really good luck! We will see!

Day 3

Today SUCKED!!!! I am constantly hungry...CONSTANTLY!!!! I hate this. I actually think I am going to be starting my period soon. Maybe that is why. I have these little clementines here at the house and they are SO good. I read somewhere that they are what they call a negative calorie food, which means that it actually takes more calories to eat and digest them than they have in them, so I figure it is okay that I have had 4 in the last hour. They are just so tiny!!!

Today was like normal other than being hungry all the time.

For breakfast I had my regular bagel with cream cheese which this time I only used about half the cream cheese, so 140 calories. I had string cheese for a snack 80 calories. Lunch was a ham sandwich 380 calories and a clementine, 40 calories. That takes me to 640 calories. For supper we had my Mother and Father in law over. We grilled. Yes, I know what you are thinking...It is freezing out, but we actually grill all year round. I don't think our grill would know how to react if we actually covered it. One time it was like 4 degrees and we were out there grilling. It is kind of fun, it gives you that little taste of summer in the middle of the winter. Anyway, my hubby grilled pork steak fingers. I had 2 of those, a couple of doritos, baked beans and about 2 tablespoons of potato salad(my mother in law brought it and I didn't want to offend). I'm not sure how many calories that was, but I am sure that I am close to my goal of 1400 if not above it. Then this evening I had 4 of those wonderful little clementines. YUMMY!

Tomorrow I am going to visit my sister in law in Norfolk with my Mom. It will be a fun trip.

Pretty soon I am going to clue by brother in to what I am up to. I am going to ask him to be my personal trainer and my drill sergant. He will do wonderful. I am sure that I am going to hate him from time to time, but the end result will be a better me.

Have a good night....out!

Day 2

Today wasn't too bad. I had lunch with my cousin at the Hy-Vee. They have a really good salad bar and we thought that would be a good meal. It was great! I had a wonderful salad with a sun-dried tomato vinaigrette dressing. YUMMY!!!! My other foods today were:
small bagel with cream cheese 180 cal
2 manderin oranges 90 calories
string cheese 80 calories

Supper was my difficult spot today. We were invited over to a friends house for grilling out. They did sirloins, potatoes, green bean casserole and garlic toast. I did decent, but not wonderful. Tomorrow night my in-laws are coming over for supper and we are going to grill again... I am sure it will be another challenging night.

Well, i will update again tomorrow evening before bed. I hope everyone has a good night!

Day 1

Today wasn't horrible, but for some reason right now I am VERY hungry!!!! So, I decided to have a string cheese and some water, since supper is at least an hour or so away. Today I took my breakfast and lunch to work. Someone showed up with chinese food. This is a major weakness of mine! But I stuck to it and had my sandwich, so it was okay.

Here is what I have had to eat today...
Bagel with light cream cheese 240 calories
string cheese 80 calories
manderine orange 45 calories
Lunchable sandwich 340 calories
Some hot tamales 90 calories
string cheese 80 calories

So far that is 875 calories. For supper we are having meatloaf with peas and mashed potatoes. The meatloaf is a mix of ground turkey and ground deer meat, so it is really lean. Peas aren't too bad and I am only going to have a single serving of mashed potatoes with no extra stuff on them. I don't think it will be too much and I should be able to stay under 1400 calories today. Not a bad day so far, but we will see how tomorrow goes. I have D-day next Monday, so hopefully I can loose some weight and start getting back on track.

Getting Started

Well, here goes.

I am starting this blog mainly for myself. You see, I am an overweight 30 year old woman. I am not happy with my size and know that I can loose the weight to be more healthy. The reason that I am doing this blog is for some kind of accountability. I am going to hopefully use this blog to journal my experience in loosing weight or the attempt at it at least.

Here is a little background on me…….I am a married 30 year old woman. My husband and I have an amazing 5 year old son, 2 dumb dogs and a tiny little house, but it’s home. I am happily employed at a local bank and I love my job about 95% of the time. My job can be somewhat stressful, but for the most part I really like what I am doing there. I grew up with the best parents in the world. I recently lost my Dad to lung cancer. We spent a year fighting, but unfortunately the fight was lost. My Mom is the most amazing woman I have ever known! If I can be a quarter of the woman she is, I would be thrilled. I have 4 bratty brothers that I can’t imagine my life without. I live in a little town in Nebraska.

I have been overweight since I graduated high school. I have battled this for 12 years now and it has been a war. I have won some battles and lost some. My max weight was 263 pounds. That was this time last year. In 2009 I started taking a weight loss drug called phentermine, it was my dream come true, for a short time. With the help of the medicine, I dropped to 228. I was pretty proud of myself, but since my Dad passed away, the pounds have started to hop back on. As of last night I weighed in at a whopping 238. I know that compared to all of these big shows out there like the Biggest Looser and others, that is nothing, but for me and my body, it needs drastic improvement! I am hoping that I will be able to enlist the help of my brother, who is a personal trainer(I can’t imagine how embarrassed he is by my weight). I need for him to by my drill sergeant. I have a funny feeling I am going to regret this “need” very shortly!!

Now, I don’t know if anyone will actually read this blog, but I figured it was worth a try and even if one person gets something out of it, it was worth it. Each day I will put something out here, any hurdles that I face, what I am eating, etc. Every Monday, I will weigh in and post it as well. If anyone wants to drop a comment or suggestion of any kind, please feel free to do so…That is if there is anyone out there.

Welcome to my journey…..Wish me luck!